nachdem ich lange mit problem mit den imap settingsw zu kämpfen hatte habe ich endlich bei gmail info gefunden die die probleme beseitigt hat!

das prblem hatte mit gelöschten email zu tun, die immer wieder auftauchten, egal ob spam oder einfach nur trash, oder beides...

hier die lösung (quelle: google support seite für imap settings und mail clients)

für apple mail:

Apple Mail

From the Mail menu, click Preferences > Accounts > Mailbox Behaviors

Drafts:
Store draft messages on the server > checked

Sent:
Store sent messages on the server > do NOT check

Junk:
Store junk messages on the server > checked
Delete junk messages when > Never
Trash:
Move deleted messages to the Trash mailbox > do NOT check
Store deleted messages on the server > do NOT check


As a general rule, we suggest the following.

Sending:

Do NOT save sent messages on the server. If your client is sending mail through Gmail's SMTP server, your sent messages will be automatically copied to the [Gmail]/Sent Mail folder.
DO save draft messages on the server. If you want your drafts in your mail client to sync correctly with Gmail's web interface, set your client to save drafts to the [Gmail]/Drafts folder.
Deleting:

Do NOT save deleted messages on the server. Messages that are deleted from an IMAP folder (except for those in [Gmail]/Spam or [Gmail]/Trash) only have that label removed and still exist in All Mail. Hence, your client doesn't need to store an extra copy of a deleted message.
Do NOT save deleted messages to your [Gmail]/Trash folder because this will delete a message in all folders.
Do NOT save deleted messages to your [Gmail]/All Mail folder as some clients will try to empty this folder and ultimately fail. This can lead to delayed mail access or unnecessary battery consumption on a mobile device.
Junk mail and spam:

Do NOT enable your client's junk mail filters. Gmail's spam filters also work in your IMAP client, and we recommend turning off any additional anti-spam or junk mail filters within your client. Your client's filter will attempt to download and classify all of your existing messages, which may slow down your client until the process is complete.
Important: Please note that if you're using an iPhone with software update 1.1.3 and you automatically configured IMAP by clicking on the large Gmail icon, messages trashed from your iPhone will be moved to the [Gmail]/Trash folder rather than the [Gmail]/All Mail folder, causing these messages to be permanently deleted after 30 days. For more information, please see our article on deleting and archiving on iPhones or visit Apple Support.

To avoid this type of deletion behavior, please manually configure your iPhone. (wer aber seine mail s
ettings mit dem iphone synced sollte ok sein)

screenshots:

iPhone:

From your mail account's Advanced Settings:

Deleted Mailbox > On My iPhone > Trash
Deleted Messages > Remove > Never

With these settings, messages deleted from the web interface will show up only under your [Gmail]/Trash folder. In addition, messages trashed from the iPhone will show up under your iPhone Trash folder and your [Gmail]/All Mail folder.